Relax

Praise the Lord! I finished another paper.

I tried to relax myself by shopping for a handbag. I was so happy that I did not buy anything. Actually, I really do not need another handbag.

I still have hundreds pages of books need to read. I decided that I need take a break today. Life with too much stress lost its color. Sometimes I need to rest and do nothing.

writing a paper

Every time I write a paper for class, it is such painful experience. I need put ideas into words is like give birth to a baby. Then I need to face my grammar errors when Danny proves read my paper. For many many times, I wonder why I do that to myself. I can just be a housewife and live a comfortable life. Once again, the calling that God give to me come to my mind. I have to continue no matter how hard the journey is.

Again, I will experience another miracle from write half of pages so far to 3-5 pages tonight. Danny will prove read my paper tonight. Tomorrow night he need go to Stony Brook. The only thing I can do is hold on to God. "God, help me!" Then I will wait until the words come to my mind. The good thing is that God want me to go back to school. I am sure He will help me this time again.

Sharing

I go to CCF prayer meeting twice a week. I remember I used to go to prayer meeting everyday when I was a student. I enjoyed the gossip at beginning; later on, I sensed the importance of prayer until now. It feels like yesterday I was one of the students. Now I have three children. Being back at my spiritual birthplace. It just feels so comfortable. I learned and equipped myself during my college year. I am continue to learn and grow right now.

I think I get the idea of keep improving myself from my father. My father teaches me so many important life lessons. I take one class about family and marriage counseling and need make a family genogram. It is about 3 generations of my family background. I found something very interesting. I learn that my father never meet my grandfather until I was born. It is hard to believe without a father figure in my father’s life. He still becomes a great Dad. My grandfather and my uncle have bad temper. My father witnesses my uncle and neighbors physically abusive toward women. My father thinks it is wrong. He decided he would not follow their bad example.

When I analysis my family background I was worry that the bad temper runs in the family. I might get it. I do feel I get angry easily after I have my children. My father’s sharing reminds me that it is my choice to act angrily or gentle. My decision is I want learn to be gentle with God’s help. My father can control his temper by himself. I have more chance to success with God’s help.

Going back to school and find out so many things about my family, and myself it is somewhat painful. I think I need to deal and struggle with my own issue in oder to guide others to deal with their issues.

Sharing

I am benefit from the preparation of the retreat. I found out something about myself. I think I am a dreamer and thinker. I had so many ideas when Mei and I talked about the retreat. After I contributed my ideas to the program, I almost totally forgot about the detail after a few days. When someone asked me about the detail of the program, my mind went blank. At beginning, I was worry about my memory lost. I think it is a sign of getting old. Then one day I realized that this is the first time I participate to organize an event. I am not multiple task people and used to do one task such as small group leader.

The question for me is that should I try again multiple task position next time or focus on one task.

No matter what answer is. I always have wonderful experience from serving God and find out the hidden blessing. The most important thing above all is that I knew my God love me and I love my God.

My struggle

I never thought that being spoil by my parents have negative outcome. On Sunday, My parents brought many kinds of fruit for me again. (Kiwi, blue berry, orange, apple. Grape fruit). This is the first time I felt overwhelm by their love. They are over 70s. I suppose take care of them. I should buy fruit for them. However, I really do not know how to take care of them after all those years being serve by my parents. Their love makes me feel special but also self-center. God told me a few times about self-center issue. He told me again last Saturday in family and marriage counseling class.

Now what should I do? Should I tell my parents I need to grow up and stop treat me like baby. Is it a good thing to do?

This is the time I need the best counselor-Jesus’ advice. This is what I love about being Christian. If I take time to pray, God always tells me what to do.