Today I thank God for my children for the first time of my life. I struggle 10 years to raise them. Today I realize that without them I will not be so close to God. Without them, I do not need to fast two meals per week, meditate and pray many times each day, and I might not need God’s help to deal with my life.

Yes, three children push me to my limit of love, patient and kindness. I am mad, angry and frustrate whenever I felt tired. Yet I pray and pray, trying to get close to God so I will have more love and patient toward my children. I finically realize that I benefit from the struggles. I am a different person.

Hershey Park

After I took three rides with my sons in Hershey Park, I felt dizzy and want to throw up. I decided to give up the idea to try everything and show my children how brave their Mom was.

I still remembered that I rode a roller coaster in Great adventure a few years ago. I was scare and prayed so many times during the ride. I felt I would drop off from sky and be died any minute. After that ride, I still wanted to challenge myself to try different rides even though I never enjoy it. I was try to prove that I was brave.

God gave me different perspective while I was resting in Hershey Park. I need to accept who I am. I am not a person who enjoys physical excitement. Then let it be. I do not need to push myself to take all those rides that make me scare and sick.

I was glad my children enjoy and excited about all the rides. I enjoyed the shows. By the end of the day, I had to say that I rather fast whole day and spent time with God than in Hershey Park.

Thanks God for helping me to understand myself a little bite more. I realize that the most important thing above all is that my relationship with God. Other things are not so important.

Many days I want to write and share about my encounter with God. However, I have too much pride when I share about them. I do not think God is happy about it. My spiritual journey is about God and me.

You can have your own spiritual journey with God if you trust God with your life. You start it with a prayer.

If God wants me to share, I will. If no, I will obey.

What kind of life do I want?

Life without any challenge is boring. After I rest two weeks, I started to miss the classes and reading. I am graceful that God sent me back to school. Otherwise, I have to find a job to keep myself busy. On other hand, I cannot handle too much stress.

So what kind of life do I want? I really do not know. I think I am on the process of
finding out. Thanks God! He knew exactly who am I. He planed my life according to who I am.

lost weight

Since I do not need to study anymore, I go to jazzercise to do dance exercise. I did the aerobic exercise one hour for two days so far. My whole body felt sore. My goal is that I can tone up my whole body and decrease my waistline for next two month. For past three month, I need to sit and read books. Every Saturday, I brought lot of snack to class, chocolate, nuts, apple, hot drink and cold water, cracker, raisin. After three month, I have hard time to fit in my pants. I need do exercise to lose extra weight.

I wonder what would be like if we are out of shape spiritually.

Thanks God

Today is teacher-parent conference day for Ethan and Nathan. I am always worried about Ethan. He looks tiny compare to his classmate and students might pick on him. I mentioned my concern with his teacher. His teacher told me that I do not need to worry about that. Once he reported one incident on bus to his teacher. His teacher sent him to principal. Ethan told principal how other boy hit him. When I went back home, I told him I was very proud of him. We had short conversation:

Ethan: Mom, do not worry about me. I knew how to protect myself because I learned from you.

Me: What did you learn from me?

Ethan: I knew God is on my side.

His answer touched my heart and almost made me cry. Yes, I do not have to worry about him too much anymore because he has faith on God. He knew how to depend on God when I am not around to protect him.

It is so hard to be a mother. Most of time I do not know how to guide them. However, I pray for them and ask God help. It turns out ok. Thanks God!

Sharing

I cried while I led Sunday morning prayer meeting. It felt so good that I could cry in front of brothers and sisters. It is healthy way to express my feeling. If I feel down, I do not need to pretend I am happy. I want to be honest with myself.

Of course, our brothers and sisters prayed for me. Guess what? I felt great yesterday and joy flow out my heart. I even enjoyed to write my two final papers last night.

Yes, our family sacrificed some family time while I go to school on Saturday and Wednesday night Bible study. All those papers made me crazy. I do feel overwhelm sometime. However, God allow me to experience His love at different level. It is all worthy. God love me and bless my family in so many ways for so many years. It is honor to finial have chance to serve Him and push my limitation for Him.