I was so busy this week. On Tuesday, I spent 3 hours to volunteer to help a family who have six children. When I was there, I washed dishes and hold three babies (triplets) and one two years old in terms. Their father is in military and not around.
On Wednesday, I shopped 3 hours for Hannah's Chinese School raffle gifts for Chinese New Year celebration on Friday. The reason I did it because no one want to do it. As a Christian, I think I need to do it. I don’t think I will do it next year.
I felt I was pulling into different directions and did not have time to focus on the most important thing--my study. Last Saturday, a professor clearly says that we should drop everything and focus on study. It will be only short period about 3 to 4 years. I think it is good advice.
Since I could not study at home, I went to library today. I was fasting in the morning and I just broke my own record that I studied 3 hours without a break.
Every night, Danny watched me closely and make sure I study. It is funny. Even my father never does that to me when I was little. I think he really know me (I could be lazy sometimes) and I need someone to push me a little.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Ways
The fasting turned out as what expected. I am not angry anymore but I still have some struggles inside. I need God’s help and some quiet time to figure out.
Yesterday a friend who is Korean and Christian invited me to lunch at her house. She told me Korean churches have daily worship service. She attends everyday at a close by Korean church. I wonder what kind of impact it will have in a Christian life. It must be good for spiritual life.
God told me something in my friend's house. There are many ways to get close to Him. Do not limit myself to only few ways. Before that lunch, I thought I found out most of way from one of book I read last semester. (Such as fasting, meditation, prayer and study....) When my friend told me about daily worship service, I realize this is another way. I guess even I use my whole life to explore; I might still not found all the ways. I need God help to learn other ways to get closer to Him. Meanwhile, I will just practice what I knew right now.
There are always higher spiritually levels waiting for us to explore.
Yesterday a friend who is Korean and Christian invited me to lunch at her house. She told me Korean churches have daily worship service. She attends everyday at a close by Korean church. I wonder what kind of impact it will have in a Christian life. It must be good for spiritual life.
God told me something in my friend's house. There are many ways to get close to Him. Do not limit myself to only few ways. Before that lunch, I thought I found out most of way from one of book I read last semester. (Such as fasting, meditation, prayer and study....) When my friend told me about daily worship service, I realize this is another way. I guess even I use my whole life to explore; I might still not found all the ways. I need God help to learn other ways to get closer to Him. Meanwhile, I will just practice what I knew right now.
There are always higher spiritually levels waiting for us to explore.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Who want to fast?
Today I have to fast for one meal becasuse my heart is far away from God. Then my dark side started to take control of me. I was so angry toward my children last night for no reason. Fasting help me shut the door from outside world so I can focus on God. I will get many benefits by getting close to God. I will have more love, wisdom, strength and joy and it is my "spiritual Coffee". Without it, my life is like black and white TV.
Fasting is always partner with read and meditates God's words and prayer. Today I am going pray for retreat and Sunday school. I need prepare my heart and make sure I did what I need to do for retreat. Teaching Sunday school need wisdom to understand God's words and teach in a create way.
I bet after the fasting I will be refresh, happy, smile a lot and feel good about myself. I will even look prettier.
Fasting is always partner with read and meditates God's words and prayer. Today I am going pray for retreat and Sunday school. I need prepare my heart and make sure I did what I need to do for retreat. Teaching Sunday school need wisdom to understand God's words and teach in a create way.
I bet after the fasting I will be refresh, happy, smile a lot and feel good about myself. I will even look prettier.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Three free days
I have three more free days and I will start class on Saturday. I really enjoy the time I spend doing nothing. I can watch movie whenever I want and no need to read hundreds and hundreds pages of books. I have to say good-bye to all that.
On other hand, it is kind of boring to do nothing. Life without learning and improving does not fit me. So I think I am ready for another stressful and challenge new semester. With God help and other's prayer, I should learn a lot.
On other hand, it is kind of boring to do nothing. Life without learning and improving does not fit me. So I think I am ready for another stressful and challenge new semester. With God help and other's prayer, I should learn a lot.
Days without Danny
My plan about how to spend 6 days without Danny, it turned out fine. The two nights that I spent in my parents’ apartment were so hot. I almost became “dry meat”. It was 83 degree. The first night, I would not fall asleep. I thought about an escape plan. I should go to my sister apartment next day. Then I saw how happy my parents were to see my children. I decided to experience another hot night.
Sunday and Monday were the days I enjoy most. Three sisters in our church came to sleep over. They cooked and played with my children. They were amazed me by how much love they had. That was my mini vacation. Of course, we shared and prayed.
Danny and I made a rule two years ago. Any Christian come to our house have to share and pray with us. At beginning, it is hard to ask. Now, it is naturally come to that special time. Without that prayer time, I felt missing something.
Sunday and Monday were the days I enjoy most. Three sisters in our church came to sleep over. They cooked and played with my children. They were amazed me by how much love they had. That was my mini vacation. Of course, we shared and prayed.
Danny and I made a rule two years ago. Any Christian come to our house have to share and pray with us. At beginning, it is hard to ask. Now, it is naturally come to that special time. Without that prayer time, I felt missing something.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
shopping
After the daily devotion, I sensed that I need to go to Old Navy. I have very special connection with Old Navy. Whenever the store is on sale, I can sense it. Although I try to figure out this kinds of sense is blessing or temptation. Guess what? Today is 75% off. It was hard to say no to on sale clothes.
Taking about shopping, I think I improve a lot over the years because I prayed about it. I used to shop because I had nothing to do and I went to shop every week. Now I shop because the children need clothes and it is on sale. I am working on it. One day, I might shop only when need it. I have to remind myself that I only have one body. How many clothes do I need?
I think being a Christian, not only we need keep inside beautiful(deal with our sins) but also outside too. Sometimes when I wear something I like, I felt good about myself. I still try to figure out what kinds of cloth I like. 90% of my clothes are from my sister. This is frustrating me that I do not know my own style.
Taking about shopping, I think I improve a lot over the years because I prayed about it. I used to shop because I had nothing to do and I went to shop every week. Now I shop because the children need clothes and it is on sale. I am working on it. One day, I might shop only when need it. I have to remind myself that I only have one body. How many clothes do I need?
I think being a Christian, not only we need keep inside beautiful(deal with our sins) but also outside too. Sometimes when I wear something I like, I felt good about myself. I still try to figure out what kinds of cloth I like. 90% of my clothes are from my sister. This is frustrating me that I do not know my own style.
Friday, January 11, 2008
For my own benefit
I thought about the reason for writing. God told me that it is a way to help me understand myself. I am thankful.
After I went back to school, I start to change somehow. I used to like soft Chinese worship music. Now I like fast beat and loud worship music. I am also become very outspoken, pushy and aggressive. I have so many ideas about lot of things. I don't know who I will become. However, I like the change. Maybe the real me is hiding inside and waiting to come out.
I need our heavenly Father's help to develop the new me. I am really thrill to experience the way God work on my life right now.
After I went back to school, I start to change somehow. I used to like soft Chinese worship music. Now I like fast beat and loud worship music. I am also become very outspoken, pushy and aggressive. I have so many ideas about lot of things. I don't know who I will become. However, I like the change. Maybe the real me is hiding inside and waiting to come out.
I need our heavenly Father's help to develop the new me. I am really thrill to experience the way God work on my life right now.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Some thoughts
Whenever I am writing for Blog, I ask myself what I am doing. One year ago, I felt so shameful to write anything because my writing skill. One year latter, I share my thought in writing form with brothers and sisters. I was so amaze that God use my weakness to serve Him.
Sometimes I wonder how long I need write like this. I guess it is up to God. I think my writing serve a purpose I might not know why right now. Well, it doesn't matter. I am sure God know what am I doing. That is what matter to me. It is to serve Him and please Him.
I realize that in order overcome my weakness, the first step is to admit it and share with someone. Then, I asked others to pray for me. The most important of all is that I got help from my heavenly Father.
Facing own weakness would be painful. However, denying could stop us from growing and changing. When we see our weakness, it mean God think we ready to deal with it. We should go for it.
Sometimes I wonder how long I need write like this. I guess it is up to God. I think my writing serve a purpose I might not know why right now. Well, it doesn't matter. I am sure God know what am I doing. That is what matter to me. It is to serve Him and please Him.
I realize that in order overcome my weakness, the first step is to admit it and share with someone. Then, I asked others to pray for me. The most important of all is that I got help from my heavenly Father.
Facing own weakness would be painful. However, denying could stop us from growing and changing. When we see our weakness, it mean God think we ready to deal with it. We should go for it.
Are you trying right now?
I think my spiritual journey is like climb a mountain and I started it with a willing heart. I keep climb and climb because I knew the higher I go the closer I will be with God. I don't want to stop at one point for too long because I want to explore the higher level of closeness with God. It feels so good.
During the years I try to get close to God, God teaches me many ways that help me grow spiritually. This is what I love about the journey that there is always something new to learn and experience.
If your life is too boring, you can give your life to God. In addition, wait and see what will happen next. It only takes a willing heart; you will have a very excited journey. However, without daily devotion, I don't think it will work.
Warning: You might take a few months or years to experience the excitement. It all depends on God's plan. I think it is worth.
During the years I try to get close to God, God teaches me many ways that help me grow spiritually. This is what I love about the journey that there is always something new to learn and experience.
If your life is too boring, you can give your life to God. In addition, wait and see what will happen next. It only takes a willing heart; you will have a very excited journey. However, without daily devotion, I don't think it will work.
Warning: You might take a few months or years to experience the excitement. It all depends on God's plan. I think it is worth.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
15 mintues walk with God
Today is so warm. I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. The feeling of sunshine is so comfortable. I love walk alone. It was special time I spent with God. I talked to Him and I looked up the blue sky with some white cloud. It was as if the sky was a piece of paper and God draw picture on it. I sensed God's greatness. For some reason, whenever I look up the sky I felt close and connect to God. I was aware of God's peace and love surrounds me. It was such joyful moment.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
dark spot
The first day of my class, my professor say something very interesting. She warned all of us that we will find and deal with our dark spot(sin) before we become a counselor.
She was right. I started to find more and more dark spots.
I found one last night. It is called self-center. Since Danny is going to fly to Hong Kong next Wednesday, I form an emergency plan for myself. My plan is I will stay with my parents on Friday and Saturday night in Chinatown apartment. My sister will help me to take care the children on Saturday. I felt that when I need help. My parents and sister should drop everything and help me out.
God told me that the way of my thinking is self-center. When I think about it, it always my need come first. I guess it relate to the way my parents spoil me. Both of my parents are over 70 years old. They still treat my like I am a child. On Saturday night, they would call me and ask me what kind of fruit I want or what dish I want to eat. They will prepare it and I can pick up on Sunday. It is feel good but is it suppose the other way around.
I always like to find my dark spot. When I find it, I will deal with it. I won't allow the dark spot live too long in my life. With God's help, I have 100% overcome rate. I will become a better Christian. It makes my life interesting.
When I see brothers and sisters try to come to Sunday school and service on time, It give me encouragment that we are all try to change for better. When we are trying, our church will be different.
She was right. I started to find more and more dark spots.
I found one last night. It is called self-center. Since Danny is going to fly to Hong Kong next Wednesday, I form an emergency plan for myself. My plan is I will stay with my parents on Friday and Saturday night in Chinatown apartment. My sister will help me to take care the children on Saturday. I felt that when I need help. My parents and sister should drop everything and help me out.
God told me that the way of my thinking is self-center. When I think about it, it always my need come first. I guess it relate to the way my parents spoil me. Both of my parents are over 70 years old. They still treat my like I am a child. On Saturday night, they would call me and ask me what kind of fruit I want or what dish I want to eat. They will prepare it and I can pick up on Sunday. It is feel good but is it suppose the other way around.
I always like to find my dark spot. When I find it, I will deal with it. I won't allow the dark spot live too long in my life. With God's help, I have 100% overcome rate. I will become a better Christian. It makes my life interesting.
When I see brothers and sisters try to come to Sunday school and service on time, It give me encouragment that we are all try to change for better. When we are trying, our church will be different.
Monday, January 7, 2008
learn from my mistake
On Saturday, we rented a movie in a machine located inside the path mark. Danny and I normally won't watch any movie on Saturday night because we need get up early for Church. This movie rental was temptation to us because it was such good deal and only cost $1 for one night. We decided to watch it on Saturday night.
The movie wasn't that good. By the time, we finished the movie it was around 11:30. It was not that late. However, I forgot that it would take me two hours to fall asleep after movie. That's one of the reason I hardly watch any movie on Saturday night. Of course, I didn't have a good sleep that night. I was tired on Sunday morning. During the worship time I couldn't concentrate and didn't enjoy that much.
Why I was so foolish? I know the result from my action. I still wanted to do it for $1. I guess this experience will remind me for next three month or longer. I pray that I won't do it again.
I am graceful that God always protect me in a special way. He set limit for my body. If I can watch movie and fall asleep right way, I might chose watch movie all the time on Saturday night. I won't prepare my heart for next day.
I am sure that God love us the same way. God might protect you in someway. Do you know? If you don' t know please ask God to tell you and thank God for it.
The movie wasn't that good. By the time, we finished the movie it was around 11:30. It was not that late. However, I forgot that it would take me two hours to fall asleep after movie. That's one of the reason I hardly watch any movie on Saturday night. Of course, I didn't have a good sleep that night. I was tired on Sunday morning. During the worship time I couldn't concentrate and didn't enjoy that much.
Why I was so foolish? I know the result from my action. I still wanted to do it for $1. I guess this experience will remind me for next three month or longer. I pray that I won't do it again.
I am graceful that God always protect me in a special way. He set limit for my body. If I can watch movie and fall asleep right way, I might chose watch movie all the time on Saturday night. I won't prepare my heart for next day.
I am sure that God love us the same way. God might protect you in someway. Do you know? If you don' t know please ask God to tell you and thank God for it.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
why me?
I will take two classes next semester. One is Counseling and human development. Another one is marriage and family counseling foundation. I got one book for marriage and family counseling class and start to read it. The book overwhelm me. It describe the fighting within a family during the counseling session.
I start to wonder why I have to deal with people's problem. Can I just live a happy life with my family? Can I just leave people alone and they leave me alone? Then God remind me my calling. How much He love me! He want me serve people who deal with problems because He love them.
I cannot say no to God. I can only pray that God give me more love. so I can love others. It is not easy for me. I am still a selfish person. I need God do some counseling work on me before I become a excellent counselor.
I start to wonder why I have to deal with people's problem. Can I just live a happy life with my family? Can I just leave people alone and they leave me alone? Then God remind me my calling. How much He love me! He want me serve people who deal with problems because He love them.
I cannot say no to God. I can only pray that God give me more love. so I can love others. It is not easy for me. I am still a selfish person. I need God do some counseling work on me before I become a excellent counselor.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
loneliness
I felt loneliness for a few hours last night. It was such interesting experience. I have three children. I always want to be alone. When I felt loneliness, I wonder where the loneliness came from. Is it from outside? My children always around me. Is it from inside? It is true I didn't spend enough time with God for past week because my children were off from school.
I wonder if social life can help the loneliness. I asked a brother in church. He said he felt lonely. How could that be? There are so many brothers and sisters in church. I still didn't figure out why. However, I understand why brothers and sisters want to spend a lot of time together. It is good for psychological well being of individual. It is call social support.
If loneliness come from inside, social life won't help. It is possible that loneliness is part of life. If we are close to God, we might have less time experience it. It will always in our life.
I wonder if social life can help the loneliness. I asked a brother in church. He said he felt lonely. How could that be? There are so many brothers and sisters in church. I still didn't figure out why. However, I understand why brothers and sisters want to spend a lot of time together. It is good for psychological well being of individual. It is call social support.
If loneliness come from inside, social life won't help. It is possible that loneliness is part of life. If we are close to God, we might have less time experience it. It will always in our life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)